Women like to have plausible deniability at all times. Even when a woman is attracted to a man and would like to have sex with him, she will not take a step like asking him to go to his or her place, because that would make her intentions evident, but if he invites her to bounce to another party and they will have to stop by her place on the way over and they have sex there, she can always say, even if just to herself, that “it just happened”.

So it is normal for women to show some resistance, even when they want to go ahead. At least a token resistance. There are plenty of studies in human behavior, evolutionary psycology, and game theory that explain why it happens.

But now you are the sugar babe and you want your sugar daddy to approach you, to be more flirty, and to cross the threshold you both determined that would be the beginning of your “mutually beneficial relationship”. Usually you set up the date as a dinner and, if both want to go ahead, you will bounce to another place, more private probably.

One small obstacle for that scenario is that most men have approach anxiety and fear of rejection. That fear is so deeply ingrained in their minds that even when you are showing signs of interest, even when the arrangement is set, even if they were with an escort instead of a sugar babe, they would still have trouble taking the initiative. Some man are just too shy and too dysfunctional in that arena.

So how can you make him take the initiative without doing it yourself? It’s is simple. I call it “keep the door open”. It is a way of not taking the initiative, but always making it easier for him to do it himself.

When you are sitting at the table, still having dinner, sit a little closer to him. Start some kinesthetics: touch his arm, even touch his leg at times. Look at him in the eyes longer than usual. When walking take his arm. Stand close enough to him that he may lean forward for a kiss. It is all in the way you move, have you noticed that? It’s not what you say.

Women have some auto-pilot responses for common situations. For example, a woman is at a club looking fabulous and the 25th guy approaches her saying a pick up line she have heard some 30 times in the past. She may act cold and even bitchy with this guy but that doesn’t mean at all that she IS cold or bitchy. It is just a time-saving maneuver she is using to get rid of him. It is not personal. Another example would be of a friend that suddenly starts invading her personal space or kissing her ass all the time and it become obvious he is doing it in the hopes of getting in her pants. She will have an auto-pilot reaction of distrust in that case.

Men also have their auto-pilot responses to several well known situations. Those responses are as automatic, and as predictable, as their responses to good looks, sexiness, and playfulness.

Drama

The most common is drama. Men are allergic to drama, and they will only tolerate it from a woman they are not in a committed relationship with if they are in the hopes of getting into sex with her in the very near future. To man the cost of dealing with drama is way too high and he will only take that if he is desperate.

Sluttiness

Men tend to think of women then just met either as “honest girls” or sluts. Not as total absolutes, like being necessarily just one of another, but in general they will label you as either an honest girl or a slut.

If he thinks of you as an honest girl and he is very attracted to you he will be quite patient, he will not expect to get in bet with you too soon, and he will have this wholesome image of you that will actually work well in your favor.

But if he things of you as a slut he will be much less inhibited around you, he will make his advances quite fast, and he will also eject quite fast if he is not successful. He sees you as really interesting and fun, not not as valuable so it will be much easier for him to not get attached.

Neediness

If you are needy or demanding from his point of view, that will be as bad as carrying a lot of drama. His subconscious mind will keep reminding him at every turn that you carry a very high cost, that you need attention and require maintenance or make demands.

Of course the extreme opposite of it would be to be perceived as totally independent, which is very good in principle. But there is a balance you will have to find, and here is the exact point:

He has to feel that you are very independent and that you don’t need him for anything, but that you truly appreciate  when he participates in something, when he provides something, or when he solves a problem for you. It is not needing him, but appreciating him for what he does and what he represents.

When you strike that balance in his mind, not in your opinion, then you will be able to build a great connection with him as the neediness filter will be out of the equation.

Hustling

Wealthy men are hustled all the time. As businessmen, as friends, as bosses, and as consumers. They deal with hustling  all the time and become nearly allergic to it. It is such a powerful auto-pilot response in them that even if you are not even trying to hustle but just gives the impression of going in that direction, several warning lights will start blinking in his mental dashboard.

Maybe you are so proficient in NLP, sub-communication programming, and other very sophisticated techniques, that you can actually use those methods and get away with it. Those techniques are thought in our Intensive training and at the Sugar Babe University, but are too complex to explain here in an article.

As a sugar babe this is a really important point to master because you are approaching him from an angle where hustling is common and is even expected. You will have to avoid it by being clear and upfront about your expectations and by encouraging him to be just as upfront. Then when you meet make sure you don’t ask him for anything, don’t suggest anything, don’t try to lead him into changing this “contract” between the two of you.

No other characteristic of a woman will fascinate the man on the long run as much as being a great story teller. Even more so when the man is shy, or when the woman is shy. Stories allow us to entertain ideas in conflicting with our daily lives. They expand, heighten, distort or exaggerate reality, taking one further, faster in the direction in which the unashamed unconscious already knows it wants to go. They present the astonished self with the incredible, the opportunity to entertain the impossible.

I like to think of a seductive woman as an actress, allowing herself to vanish into her fictional character, who can say and do the things she cannot allow herself to say or do in her private life. It is the same with the man. When sharing a story he is also stepping outside of his own boundaries to live the fantasies he earns for.

When you look for the talents on yourself that you should exercise and improve, give special attention to the art of story telling. Then use this talent!

A common question I hear during training sessions is “What do I do if I don’t have stories to tell?”, and it is a great question specially because many sugar babes are young and didn’t do much in their lives that they consider worthy. In that case I recommend do the same thing that the most experienced, the smartest courtesans do: Get him to tell his own stories and try to impress you!

One very cool artifice for that is to ask him to tell about something he wants to do, usually some travel. Then as he being telling about the trip ask him to “take you with him”. So he will be telling the story as you are going together and you ask him to fill in the details. Exercises like that are very powerful and will make the hours go by.

You shouldn’t make the very common mistake of telling a man about your past sexual experiences. You may be doing it usually for two reasons: a) You think you ran out of things to talk about or, b) You want to impress him with your sexual talent and create sexual tension between you with that.

It is invariably a mistake! With few exceptions men will apparently like it and they will even encourage you to tell them more, but this is something that will always work against you.

However there may be good reasons to talk about those things anyway, so how do you do it without telling him that you did it at the same time? Simple: You tell him not about the things you have done; you tell about the things that you fantasized about doing at that time.

So for example if you had a threesome during your junior year in college you tell him that while in junior year you had these fantasies of being in a threesome.

You want him to believe that whatever it is that you end up doing together is either a first for you or at the edge of your experience. That applies even to everything you do together. He has to have the feeling that he is taking it from you, that he is seducing you into giving in. Man want porn star sex but they don’t want the porn start. They want to “bring you up” to that level of intimacy.

Let’s meet for a cup of coffee

Meeting for a cup of coffee is too informal non-committal. He can set up a meeting at Starbucks and be done with it after just 20 minutes and a $3.95 latte. He can nearly have his first meeting while double-parked.

He is not investing enough in the meeting.

Let’s have drinks

That can be a good option for you. Pick a nice, upscale place where they have  good bar in a restaurant or where there is a great restaurant in the same building. Then pick 6…7pm as the starting time.

What is great about meeting for drinks is that there is a bit of commitment on it: He will have to park somewhere because you wouldn’t suggest (and he wouldn’t either) a place right next to where he lives or to his office, he will be buying drinks and that will me much more expensive than a coffee, and meeting for drinks there is an expectation that your date will take longer.

You want enough time to make a connection, start some meaningful conversation, and show your charm and personality. Having some drinks will help both of you relax and enjoy the moment. However, if he is not someone you want to move forward with, it will not be difficult to finish the date in less than one hour and excuse yourself.

And oftentimes a good drinking date will turn into a dinner date, especially if the restaurant is right next door and it is dinner time!

Let’s have dinner

There are many ways to set up a first meeting, but in our experience the dinner date is the most convenient and advantageous set up for you, the sugar babe. It has all the advantages of a drinking date plus you will have more time together and if you were to choose not to spend time with him you could always end the date while you were still at the just drinks stage. You will also have the opportunity for better positioning: Don’t sit across the table from him, sit beside him or in a 45 degree angle.

You will also have a better opportunity to evaluate his choices of food and wine, his manners, and the way he treats the waitress and other staff. If he is rude or condescending towards them it is certain he will be rude and condescending towards you given enough time and/or alcohol.

He will also have enough time to get a better impression of you, to watch as you walk towards the bathroom once or twice, enough time for chemistry to happen… or not.

Let’s meet at my place

Very bad idea for a first meet. He will be in his territory and you will be under enormous pressure. It is dangerous, it signals that you don’t have good judgement, and tilts the odds towards one-night-stands, which is all you deserve if you read this article and still make this wrong choice.

Just as bad going anywhere else if he will be the one driving and you don’t have the money to pay your own cab to go back home. You will be trapped. If you live in Boston and he invites you for a first date at Foxwoods (2 hours away driving fast), you are in for a high-pressure date.

Also keep in mind that he will have to do the driving after having drinks, and if he was eager to have sex with you and that is not what is going to happen you will be driving back with a drunk and grumpy man. Not your idea of a good time, I bet.

Let’s go to a nightclub

Another bad idea. Don’t choose any place where the music is loud, you can’t hear each other, and there will be many distractions. Also any place where the interaction is not between the two of you, like movie theaters, concerts, or shows.

Let’s go to your place

Another very bad idea!

Surprised? Seems good in principle because you will be in your own territory, don’t need to drive anywhere, and if you want to shag this cool cat what would be more convenient than you own place, right?

Well, all that is right. The problem is that you don’t know for sure if you are going to like him. And if you don’t like him and he likes you, if he is a lonely fellow, or he doesn’t have a pretty good grasp of reality, now you have a stalker right in your living room. Worse than that: A stalker that knows where you live.

Don’t bring your sugar daddy to your home any sooner than you would bring a new boyfriend to your home.

If it is a first date you will be meeting him in a public place, but after that chances are that all or most of your encounters will be in private. You may be going to his residence or a vacation home, hotel, or boat.

So before you knock on his door stand back a couple of steps. It’s important that he gets the full image of you when he first opens the door – the total you, rather than just your face. If you stand too close to the door, your face is all that he will see during the first few seconds. And you might not be exactly what his fantasy was for the day, because, let’s face it, there’s almost no way you could be. But if you are standing back a couple of feet, he’s going to get a more complete picture of you, and it’s more likely to be positive.

If you are meeting in a public place try to be standing at a place where he can see you as he walks towards you. Again, the intention is that he will look at you and notice everything, from your hair to your heels, not just your face.

The more you act like a lady, the more he’ll act like a gentleman

These men know you met them initially with a financial/material interest at heart, and that with time that interest was complemented with friendship and admiration… or not. But they don’t want to be reminded of that. They want to feel that you like them, that you are interested in them, that you enjoy being with them.

Sugar daddies will spend a great deal of time talking to you. They try to impress the women with their magnificent exploits. They are pouring wine or champagne with a flourish. And often, they are pouring their hearts. We can’t emphasize enough the importance of being a good listener: how to draw him out without seeming to be prying, to be empathetic and understanding, not to give advice unless asked, to soothe his worries and let him know someone cares. Many men are rather looking for intellectual stimulation: to laugh, talk, share ideas, discuss what is going on in the world, and learn something that perhaps they didn’t know before. We go out of our way to find intelligent, lively young women who could hold up their end of the conversation with very bright, often overworked and overstressed men. Knowing how to give undivided attention (and, when necessary, a sympathetic ear) to men who often weren’t getting it anywhere else is every bit as important as knowing how to dress.

But whether or not you do a lot of talking, you ought to keep up with what’s going on in the world. Sugar daddies are busy, active people, and many of them are themselves newsmakers. At the very least you should be reading Time or Newsweek and watching the news channels on a regular basis.

Sugar daddies are men, and all men appreciate a woman who takes care of her body. In fact, most men who were given a choice of a gorgeous face and a so-so body or a great body and a so-so face opt for the second every time. Visual impressions are very important, so being aware of these details about your appearance will make a huge difference.

Women under twenty-five or twenty-six are more sought by some men not because they are sexier or more fun to be with, but simply because, with little effort on their part, they have good muscle tone. There are also more sugar daddies looking for women in their thirties or more if they are athletes or dancers. In order for you to be able to connect with sugar daddies, it will be much easier if you are in great shape and stay that way. Most men prefer long hair, and any woman with a short haircut knows full well that she is losing opportunities because of it.

Simple grooming can make just about any woman attractive. To be successful in using our services to find a sugar daddy, you have to be, above all, radiantly clean: shiny hair; scrubbed, glowing skin; translucent, natural-looking make-up; absolutely clean ears. Choose antiperspirants that are unscented and don’t leave a white residue that sticks to underarms and clothing. Don’t use any scented hygiene product or perfume, in particular those with synthetic odors, like strawberry.

When a potential sugar daddy notices your fingernails, they should give as good an impression visually as the positive tactile impression of a firm handshake. Use hand lotion every time you wash your hands to keep your skin smooth. When choosing a nail style, remember to balance size and function. Fingernails shouldn’t be way too long or clipped too short. Professional manicures seem to last longer and clear polish is more practical than colored.

Ideally, you should also have a pedicure, which gives an overall sense of good grooming and keeps feet smooth and silky. You can be very liberal with colors for your toes: dark or light, bright or pale.

There’s a secret to keep the skin soft on your feet: Use pumice stones to scrub away dead skin. At night, lather tootsies in Vaseline, put on a pair of old socks and the next morning feel the difference.

Attitude is paramount in finding and keeping a sugar daddy. The more you act like a lady, the more he’ll act like a gentleman. Sugar daddies want to feel that you like them, that you are interested in them and that you enjoy being with them.

Sometimes a woman believes that if she tells a sugar daddy her problems and elicits sympathy for all the tough times she is going through, she may get a bigger gift. This is almost invariably a mistake. Sugar daddies are trying to stay away from their own problems. So trying to bond over hardships is highly discouraged.

In general, the most successful sugar babes are those who can have a good time with a variety of men. A good time is contagious. If you’re obviously enjoying yourself, it’s hard for him not to have fun.

It’s very important to be friendly. Thank him for any personal gift or attention. Make him know that you are happy you got there: give a hug, be excited! Let him know that he is important and that he has all your attention now.

Sugar daddies will often spend a great deal of time talking to you. They try to impress women with their magnificent exploits. They are pouring wine or champagne with a flourish, and often, they are pouring their hearts, as well. We can’t emphasize enough the importance of being a good listener: to draw him out without seeming to be prying, to be empathetic and understanding, not to give advice unless asked, to soothe his worries and let him know someone cares.

Many sugar daddies are looking for intellectual stimulation: to laugh, talk, share ideas, discuss what is going on in the world, and learn something that perhaps they didn’t know before. We go out of our way to find intelligent, lively young women who could hold up their end of the conversation with very bright, often overworked and overstressed men. Knowing how to give your undivided attention (and, when necessary, a sympathetic ear) to men who often aren’t getting it anywhere else is every bit as important as knowing how to dress.

It’s important to be able to keep the conversation going, whether that means simply being a good listener or an active communicator. You ought to keep up with what’s going on in the world. Our clients are busy, active people, and many of them are themselves newsmakers. At the very least you should be reading Time or Newsweek and watching the news channels on a regular basis.

There is always the possibility that a man might get out of line or suggest something that makes you uncomfortable. Most sugar babes are young and not very assertive, and it isn’t hard for them to be intimidated by the rich and powerful men they are seeing who were often rewarding them handsomely for their time. This situation may create a feeling of obligation – that whatever the man wanted, he deserved. It’s natural to feel that way, but it’s the wrong attitude.

If a sugar daddy ever gets belligerent or obnoxious, just smile at him and say, “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to leave now.” Of course, if you abuse this rule and act like a princess you career as a sugar babe will be very short. But we understand that not all sugar daddies are gentlemen.

If you don’t know what to say, you should make something up. Tell him that you have an upset stomach that you’ve been trying to ignore, but that you feel really terrible. Apologize profusely. Let him know there’s nothing personal about it, but you have to go home.

This protocol is enormously important for the sugar babes, even though most of them never have to use it. But the knowledge that they can leave – that they always have the option of walking out if the situation becomes tense or unpleasant – is a tremendous boost to their morale. However, because most of our sugar babes have never been set up with a sugar daddy before, they don’t always appreciate how safe and trouble-free it can be.

Although we value our sugar babes, the real challenge of the business is to find enough nice sugar daddies to send them to. There are plenty of man who claim to be a sugar daddy, but very few who actually are. And once we have such a sugar daddy, the best way to keep him using our service is to ensure that his experiences are as enjoyable and comfortable as possible, within reason. We usually look the other way when encountering someone’s shortcomings, especially in a situation where there is a vested interest in staying. Every sugar babe has her own internal limits of how many unpleasant experiences she would tolerate before she would give up on a specific sugar daddy.